How do I know if USCIS approved my application?

How do I know if USCIS approved my application? Seriously, that's the question keeping me up at night, isn't it? Waiting for USCIS feels like being stuck in a never-ending loop of anxiety. I swear I've practically worn out my refresh button on their website. That 13-digit receipt number? It's my new mantra. I mutter it to myself while I'm brushing my teeth, I almost wrote it on my hand this morning, I'm that desperate! The online tool? Half the time it's just spinning, teasing me with the possibility of an update, only to give me that same old "Case Received" message. Ugh. And don't even get me started on the phone – I once spent an hour on hold, listening to that ridiculously cheerful music, only to get disconnected. I’m considering building a shrine to my receipt number at this point. Remember that time my cousin waited six months? Six! Months! He almost had a nervous breakdown. I'm starting to think he might have been onto something. I just...I need to know. Good news or bad news, just something. This uncertainty is killing me slowly. Is that too dramatic? Probably. But seriously, someone send help (and maybe some chocolate).