How comfortable are trains in Vietnam?

Which country has the most comfortable trains?

Japan. Shinkansen? Forget comfy, those things are like personal clouds zipping across the country. So smooth, you could perform brain surgery on ’em. Speedy? They make cheetahs look like slugs. Clean? My grandma’s kitchen floor ain’t got nothin’ on ’em.

Switzerland. Panoramic windows? More like personal IMAX theaters on wheels. Mountains whizzing by, cows mooing in slow-mo. It’s like a National Geographic documentary, but with better legroom. And snacks. Good snacks. Like, really good Swiss chocolate, yo.

Germany. ICE network. Efficient. Clean. Like a well-oiled robot butler serving you bratwurst and beer at 200 mph. Seats? Comfy. Like your grandpa’s favorite recliner. But faster. Way, way faster. Like, way faster.

• Japan: Speed, cleanliness, punctuality. Like a hyper-organized ninja.
• Switzerland: Views, snacks, comfort. Like a first-class spa on rails.
• Germany: Efficiency, amenities, speed. Like a techno-party in a luxury sedan.

My neighbor, Beatrice, she went to Japan in ’23. Said the toilets on the Shinkansen were cleaner than her apartment. And her apartment is spotless. Just sayin’.

Trains, man. They’re the future. Unless flying cars finally become a thing. Then trains are, like, the past’s future. You know?

My cat, Mittens, would love those Swiss trains. She’s obsessed with birds. Imagine her face pressed against the glass, watching the Alps go by. Pure bliss. For her, anyway. Probably not for the other passengers.

Is there air conditioning on trains?

Weak AC? More like lukewarm sadness breeze. Think standing next to a thawing fridge on a hot day. Helps some folks, I guess. Old people, fainting goats, polar bears adjusting to Florida life.

Locomotive cabs? Oh honey, drivers got it rough. Imagine baking a cake… inside the oven. That’s their summer. Winter? Arctic blast face-off.

• Switzerland: Nope. Apparently, they prefer fresh mountain air. Even when it’s hotter than a fondue pot. Crazy, right? My uncle Klaus told me. He lives in Bern. Near a cheese shop.
• Metro Rail: Drivers blast the AC. For their pet hamsters, obviously. Gotta keep those little guys cool. Or maybe for their prize-winning orchids. Who knows? Driver secrets.
• Piccadilly Line: New trains, no AC. Brilliant. London logic at its finest. Like bringing a knife to a gun fight. Or wearing flip-flops in a blizzard. I’m not wrong!

Trains without AC are basically mobile saunas. Perfect for detoxing. Or passing out. Bring a fan. A big one. Industrial size. Maybe a parasol. And a personal ice sculptor. Hydration? Forget water bottles. Bring a kiddie pool. Full of Gatorade.

My grandma once rode a train without AC from Tucson to El Paso. In July. She said it was like a three-hour Bikram yoga session. She’s 87. Tough lady. Now she only travels by blimp. Air-conditioned, naturally. I saw it myself. Big Goodyear logo. Huge.

Is there food on Vietnamese trains?

Vietnamese trains: food availability varies wildly. Expect basic fare. Forget gourmet dining; think survival.

• Snacks and drinks are the norm. Think instant noodles, pre-packaged sweet stuff, bottled water. My last trip in 2023? Mostly chips and suspiciously sweet tea. The options are limited, not exactly a culinary adventure.

• Quality depends heavily on the route and train. High-speed lines? Slightly better. Local lines? Prepare for the unexpected. It’s a gamble. Sometimes it’s decent; sometimes… not so much. Last year’s trip to Nha Trang was a case in point. The food was surprisingly edible, a welcome surprise. Another time… less so.

• Attendants sell food directly. This is the primary method of food acquisition on the train. No fancy dining cars, no menus; just the rolling cart. It’s efficient. It’s simple.

Think practicality, not pleasure. It’s about sustenance, not sophisticated dining.

Additional considerations (because I can’t help myself):

• Bring your own if you’re picky. This avoids disappointment. Especially true for those with dietary restrictions. I always pack a few protein bars, just in case. One should always be prepared for the worst.

• Pricing is usually reasonable. But it’s relative to Western standards. Expect to pay less than you would at a comparable convenience store, though.

• Hygiene varies. Don’t expect Michelin-star cleanliness. This is crucial for the squeamish traveler. I’ve learned to simply be nonchalant about such things. Life is about experience.

Personal Note: My travel style is pragmatic. I prioritize convenience over culinary excellence when I’m on a long-distance train. Who wants to fuss over food while looking out at stunning landscapes?